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I'm All That's Left of MeI’m All That’s Left of Me
She put her lips on the fountain when we were kids.
I've kissed too many people to still be mad about it.
The first time she slept in my bed I had visions
of my grandfather decaying in his coffin.
(The scuttle of tiny legs and a far away buzzing)
I woke up to a thousand pairs of eyes staring at me.
Hers were closed, but her mouth started moving.
“People who dream about the dead often attract flies.
I’ll tell you my nightmares if you tell me yours.”
It was winter and the windows were closed.
There are flowers that bloom once in a life time.
The things I see during the day prepare me for the night.
A family moved into her old house.
They don’t leave beer cans on the front porch.
For some reason that makes me sick.
The only picture I didn't burn is of her
looking past the lens and straight into my eyes.
Everything else about that life is gone.
Sometimes even me.
This is the worst day to tell me I’m blind
CruxI’m only sure of two things:
I still carry pieces of your cross on my back and
lilies were your favorite flower
Those last three months-
A silent drive home from the mall
purse full of stolen makeup
Dinners with my family where no one
bothered to make the conversion
Endless hours spent looking at paint samples
and I was smart to not buy the brushes
The line at the liquor store blended
with the lines on the road
At the same time with you
Then it was summer and you talked me into a country drive. We stopped on the side of the road to watch a cow giving birth in the center of a pasture. But, the calf never rose to its wobbly legs or felt the heat of the Indian summer….it never tasted dandelions.
The mother stood by the calf’s body
long past nightfall
and I stood by yours
long after that
Was this what we meant when we said forever?
There's Something Wrong with Norman BatesLoving you was like seeing absent color,
the unforgiving grays of a poet's December,
waking from a nightmare to a sky devoid of
stars and the moon sunk in the ocean.
The moment I laid eyes on you was the epoch
of my detachment the collapse of all serenity.
You told me that your parents were dead and buried-
But sometimes they called your name from the wine cellar.
I begged you to haunt me when the lights were off;
"Ghosts won't bother other ghosts." I said
You went to the other side of the room and stared
at a fly dying on the windowsill. When the creature finally
stopped moving, you looked at me with empty eyes and said;
"They only talk to me during the day. Can't you hear them moaning?"
It was then that I knew you were something I could not save.
In our shower scene, I patiently waited for you behind the
curtain. I chose not to feel your blade slide under
my ribs, over and over again.
I knew it wasn't just blood that covered the ceramic floor.
It wasn't jus
Vie NoirYou were the promise of regret,
destiny wrapped in an egg shell,
something that temperance would not allow.
And you looked at me with cloudy eyes,
sipping your excuses while choking on tomorrow.
(We were the privileged few that God chose to endure the hopeless)
And you cursed my name while confessing every lie.
My borders grew as you clawed for the limits of absolution.
(We were the privileged few whose skin was hard to pierce)
And you loaded that gun with false bravado and ill intent.
The world was watching as you aimed it at the future.
(We were the privileged few who never forget to empty the chamber)
And you stared into the nothing, hoping to find me there
The Last Lie of SummerQuiet days, the overcast sky keeps
to itself, ignoring the living for weeks
at a time.
From half a state away-
you could hear trains roll through
towns like mine.
There is peace
and it can't be trusted
given to the first
This was the calm before the calm.
The man that is seen, but
"Tomorrow I will say hello to him."
But we are all too busy dressing healed wounds.
In my father's house there are many rooms
(Only one gun cabinet)
A cross hung over my grandmother's
bedroom door for thirty two years
Her phone rang late on a Saturday night
She was the last person he called
The sun rose early the next morning
The cross was taken down
Acid Girl 04She once told me that Mexican nights were shorter
With enough pills, October can be one long day
Those eyes never promised calm waves or Novocain
There's tequila in our mouthwash
The problem is I don't see this as a problem anymore
Nine out of ten dentists recommend swallowing the worm
An air conditioner is smoking somewhere downstairs
I breathed in the cold second hand and the minute stopped moving
We're only alive part time- cashing our rain checks in rubber boots
On the weekends, she doesn't know that it's the weekend
I'm always aware of footprints in the mud and snow
If they take the trash, it's Thursday
The puppy calendar on the fridge says 2009
Someone drew dicks on September's golden retriever
But this way, it's always three years before the Mayans ruin everything
The kitchen ants drown in the kitchen sink
One sheet of fly paper hangs from a horseshoe in the doorway
The stove can only been used to light roaches
A needle in the night stand makes a guest appearance
The liquor cabi
The Hottest 30 DaysThe traffic never bothered him until he had nowhere to go.
It took two hours to get across town and he forgot the applications.
There wasn't snow on the ground, so he pulled over
and parked in a tow away zone. He walked around
the center of that city and thought about his father standing in line
with him at the Hartford shopping mall twenty seven years earlier
in the town where he grew up.
It's Christmas time and all of the other children are
pissing themselves with anticipation.
Over the scent of plastic evergreens and candy canes,
his father still smells like motor oil and top shelf bourbon.
The closer he gets to the obese man in the red coat,
the more he shakes with fear. Tears well up in his eyes.
Right before it's his turn, his dad pulls him out of line and
they walk quietly back to the car.
His dad doesn't turn the heat on or bother looking in the rearview mirror;
"Don't make me leave w
Not by Eastern Windows OnlySitting on dark roofs,
their lips were stained with bits of ash.
The garden was there to remind him
that he would always be in love.
Between her skin and the wildflowers,
he understood the evening lights.
Her black eyes were once as green as August.
Though he can't remember if it was
yesterday or long ago on a summer night.
He can't avoid the first snow fall.
The wonders of the world are at my feet,
creation's endless charity.
Golden sun above, it's warmth makes life sweet,
night stars help me gain clarity
... and yet I am alone.
Roses and daisies and buttercups too,
green grass and blue sky above me.
Mountains and valleys and geysers that spew,
ocean as far as my eye can see
... and yet I am alone.
New moon above and Milky Way heavens,
lights that inspire poetry.
Bright shooting stars and Northern lights events,
cosmic dance of life surrounds me
... and yet I am alone.
I hold this truth to be above all truth,
that what we need most, is love.
The absence of love makes earthly joys moot,
what I would give... to fit hand in glove
... and never, ever, again be alone.
*The Cathedral*Graveyard sparkles, coat of frost
Souls sleep in comfort none are lost
Yew trees stand's silent friend
Up the pathway faithful wend.
Illuminated Christmas star
Penitants travel from afar
Spiritual comfort, blessed peace
Worldly concerns find release
Stained glass window does inspire
Glorious colours flame desire
Insence smells and bells so pure
Winter Cathderal, open door.
Bathed in scripted bile
A vale of silence falling
Bureaucraticly hiding all
Dysfunctional desires rampant
A festering rotted core
Inequalities deeply binding
Insidious malcontents survive
A decadent soulless beacon
Fulfilling wanton desires
Hypocritically content miscreants
Unchecked carnivorous fools
Blackened evillest wanting
Lost in greed and lust and deed
Radical animosity revealing
Cantankerous inept pontiffs
Cadaverous satanic tools
Solemn service sacrificed
Screaming to deafened ears
What once was the answer
Has turned into misery and fear
Writhing twisted malformation
Unburdened of belief
Empty faithless vessel
Devoid of love and peace
FOR THE LOST CHILDI am a man who is lost in a child
And my child he never grew
His spirit within, my mother defiled
Turning his soul black and blue.
The years have passed, the summers fade
Still my torment it rages on
This man I am, cold and afraid
Hides from the waking dawn.
My little child is locked inside
Vowing to never come out
This poor little boy, he thinks he died
Existing in shadow and doubt.
I love him, this child inside of me
Yet no matter how hard I try
He will never know what it means to be free
Until that day when I die.
It is I who bears his lasting pain
Yes, ‘tis I that must tarry and wait
Sometimes I think that my life was in vain
As I sit here and ponder my fate.
My mother’s been dead for quite some time
As Cancer accomplished its goal
Below the earth, she rests from her crime
With the little boys heart that she stole.
I see him each day in the mirror
This albatross that I must wear
Bringing me ever nearer
To the end of this life we have shared.
God has set the path I must
STRAIGHTJACKET MEMORIESDeliver me up O precious lord,
Straightjacket memories, take them away;
My life, I must live of my own accord,
Of my past, I’ve said all I have to say.
Baptize me now, with hope eternal,
Do this for me so I’ll never look back;
Release me from this woman infernal,
Seal up my armor and leave not a crack.
Destroy this pain that I’m weary to hold,
And in its place be resounding joy;
Aged resentment is now bitter cold,
God won’t you please help that little boy?
Locked in a prison, he hasn’t a choice,
I am still breathing while he is in hell;
Give me the courage to now be his voice,
In my loving arms shall he ever dwell.
Thank you my lord, for all you have given,
Straightjacket memories, take them away;
I’m just a man who comes to you shriven,
Of my past, I’ve said all I have to say…
Let air sate you,
soak through your emptiness.
Fill your being with oxygen and
Do not let you
lose this. Life is not easy here,
and you deserve better, but stay:
To Everyone I've Ever Thought I Loved To Everyone I've Ever Thought I Loved
1. I was young and quite stupid.
You were attractive
and way, way out of my league.
2. Your influence changed my life
and i think i might
just still love you for that fact.
3. I'm not quite sure what it was
about you. Maybe
your taste in bands... or your hair.
4. You were a dick... I knew that.
But for some reason
I still went there anyway.
5. Times were hectic and you broke
my heart. But it's not
like i did much to stop you.
6. You were my biggest secret.
If only i knew
Back then that you liked girls too.
7. You were the first to love me.
One and a half years
LonelinessIt's that feeling when you wanna have friends,
You wanna be popular, and you try to,
But people don't like you.
It's that feeling, all alone in your room,
You write poems all day,
Someday that notebook will be your doom.
It's when you make one good friend,
You think things are going good,
But their life comes to an end.
It's when you tell people the truth,
But they don't know you, think you're lying,
And they lock you in little pad-walled rooms.
It's when you're only a teen, but you get drunk as hell,
Your so called "friends" ditch,
The cops find you, and put you in a holding cell.
It's when you think you can trust someone,
Been together a year,
But shit changed, they left you, didn't shed one tear.
It's when you have no home,
People think you're a psycho,
But still, the bullies won't leave you alone.
It's when you sit alone, Go home and get stoned,
And no matter how much you eat,
You're still skin, muscle and bone.
ArmsThese are a set of arms that I have not met
They have not held a true love yet
They were so small and thin at first
Never were they close to being cursed
They are stronger than I used to know
I had never expected them to grow
To my dismay, these arms are also scarred
There was no one to be your guard
Despite that, your arms are never cold
I rather love your arms, truth be told
They may have been once forsaken
Maybe even quite a bit shaken
Yet, here you are, arms wide open
showing all of your great devotion
displaying all of your deep love
Never again will their emptiness be spoken of
For I will be the one to hold you
My arms have done some growing too
Never again will they be rejected or harmed
I promise, in my arms, you will go unharmed.
Grown UpWe don't live anymore.
We don't see the sun.
We just sit alone now.
We are never fun.
We have jobs and bills now.
We miss our favorite shows.
We're in bed so early now.
We have hit new lows.
We are not together now.
We could not find peace.
I packed and drove far away,
To help your pain cease.
You don't call me anymore.
You won't pick up your cell.
You hung yourself last Tuesday.
You forgot to tell.
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More